I Love You Jaan

It all started in our childhood, every time she passed by him, he admired her eyes and her personality but did not want anyone to notice this, so he kept teasing his friend about her....one the other side she also admired his simplicity and innocence but both kept quiet. This went on for two years Until we meet each other at my brother's marriage, this was the year when i lost his innocence and simplicity but got more sensitive and loved her more than before... i had become a flirt, player and a tobacco addict, i had all the bad qualities a person could have but she still loved me because she knew that this was not the real me, it was just a public image of mine, no one really knew the real me except her. we had become best friends, we spent most of our time thinking about each other, and we both knew that we loved each other but did not have the guts to express this feeling. i even went against some of my closest friends because they thought she was not the right person for me, and on the other side she trusted me so much that even if i went out with other girls, she never felt jealous or got hurt because she knew that she was the only girl i really really loved, the rest were just time pass. we quarreled every fortnight and did not talk to each other for weeks but would get back and get even closer than before. we shared every small thing like choclates, our feelings though not small feelings we used to write love quotes to each other on leaves, roses, we never ate full chocolates even in the absence of one, the other would save the half. we lost many of our close friends but did not care as long as we had each other. Everything was perfect until i noticed that some of the guys she spoke to, who she said were her good friends, did not have good intentions and so i tried to keep her away from them, this made her think that i was being too possessive about her and she got closer to the other guys. This created many misunderstandings between us and i said many things that i should not have said but she did not say anything apart from sorry because she knew how i felt and knew that i did not really mean what i said, it was my anger talking, but our love was too strong to be weakened by such things. our love for each other increased every day by day. On a friday, it was our religious yagya day therefore everyone was busy in the religious field, i wanted to spend this day with her so i took my cousins (sister) to her house to eat some dry fruits salad that she prepared for me. after that day we even got closer than ever. By the end of the day i had decided to express my feeling verbally because i knew that she loved me the way i did. i used to tell her everyday that i loved her but she always thought it was a joke. The week after the yagna day, i sat next to her at dinner at her house and kept calling her saying that i loved her but she did not reply, she just smiled at me. The coming Monday i told her seriously that i madly loved her but she said that this whole thing would hurt many people including her parents and many girls who loved me but i did not care about anything, i just wanted to hear that she also loved him. i used to get out of my house all depressed and sad but when i saw her at her house and all the bullshit used to get off my mind ….i went back home and felt like all my dreams had been shattered after she didnt give me the answer i wanted….i did not feel like going to her house the next day but even a glimpse of her could cheer me up and so i went. The whole day passed with nothing so special till the evening….i decided to go to her with a rose as i had to tell her my feelings and and forced her to answer me and she said “you didn’t understand, did you?” . she told me that she meant that she loved me from within and she need not to tell me with words, she always wanted to tell me but thought she would not get a positive answer. “I have loved you since our childhood!!dumbo!! remember when I told you that I will tell you something before I leave….this is what I wanted to tell you” she said. i did not know how to react, the world had just turned upside down, i was going mad, i hugged her and went home, as i was on the way….i decided to go back…and i went back and hugged her and told her that i loved her till madness. we were living in our dreamland, we even exchanged rings, we had even planned how our future house would be and how many kids we’d have and what would be their names. Life had never been better, but this was not for long…..more misunderstandings were created between us and this time we did not talk to each other for a longer time, i tried all the ways to get back but it didn’t work, i thought i had lost her forever but one of her close friends helped us solve everything and get back. It was 20 th January when I had to leave to go back home in Africa. Words couldn’t flow from the mouth, we had nothing to say to each other. It was only the tears of the two that were talking and complaining to that I should stay back, but it couldn’t work out like that. “we’ll love each other forever, no matter how far we are!” I said. I kept in contact with her and we both loved each other even more than before but then i began hearing rumors about her with guys who were her close friends that i did not trust. I ever used to tell her that I am a bit selfish in saying this but I don’t like you being admired by someone else..I won’t quarrel this time, I said to myself, if she wants to play around with other guys then I’ll do the same. I went out with another girl and and pretended to have got in love with her just for the sake….this hurt her most and due to my anger i told her that we don’t have a future if we go on like this. I knew that those guys were just her mere friends but I couldn’t bare the fact that the guys were talking to her. I just hated that. We almost broke up and did not talk for 3 weeks, until one day when I met her online and started to chat. I could see the innocence in her eyes and realized how wrong i was….those eyes asking me why I did this to her….had she hurt me in anyway….i could not take this anymore and began to text her every day, i talked to her through calls but it was too late, I had lost her trust that she had on me. she did not want to get hurt again, and didn’t want to hurt her parents….”I can’t do this, now I am living for my parents and no one else…..I know I won’t be happy with this decision but I did what I could for you and now I want to do all I can for my parents, besides you were not there when I needed you most, only my friends were there and they have helped me get over you” she said. I asked her for forgiveness. I pleaded for her, used to cry all nights without sleeping, food was something I didn’t like. I promised her that it will never happen again and asked her for forgiveness. After two years when I met her, I just and just wanted to spend time in her laps sleeping and getting absorbed in her loving world. I would never want to see her getting away from my eyes, I could hear nothing except her heart touching voice. I cried a lot in front of her when I apologized for the mistake I made and tried to betray her just for fun. I just couldn’t imagine my self without her, I lost happiness, I lost my charm, I lost in studies, it was like I have lost my whole life She is such a kind and loving hearted that she forgave me. Now our love and understanding for each other has improved and strengthened so much that our parents know about our relation and have agreed to get both of us married at the right time. All I do now, is trying to improve and prevent other lovers from making the mistake I made. That is why love is just once, the rest is just life…………….. This is my story and All lovers out there must be having there own, if you really love someone then try to understand the other person and adjust instead of getting angry and taking immediate decisions which you will regret the way I used to. I’ll love my jaanu forever and I’ll never give up on her. If I don’t get her, which will never happen though but if in case…..I won’t really mind, all I want is that she spends her whole life with full happiness and never gets a tear in her eyes….I’ll just spend my life watching her and loving her. I LOVE U JAAN